Un-Endorsement of the Week: Kit Kats

Even looking at it makes me feel sick.
Even looking at it makes me feel sick.

 

I’m off Kit Kats, at least until CIM. It’s the fucking biggest tragedy of my life right now.

For about two weeks, I’ve been sick to my stomach. Eating makes me feel nauseous. Not eating makes me feel nauseous. It’s been pretty much constant since the day I had a big hamburger out in Pt. Reyes and then went for a run (with many bathroom stops).

To get your first stupid question out of the way: No, I am not pregnant. Yes, since I am a female over the age of 15 and I have seen a TV show before, of course that occurred to me. And yes, it has been ruled out.

I also don’t think I suddenly have celiacs, especially since it doesn’t matter what I eat, I still feel sick. Sushi, meat and vegetables, a salad. Definitely Kit Kats.

At first, it seemed like Kit Kat Minis were just messing with my stomach, despite my undying love for them. And, this has been corroborated by others who have eaten Kit Kat Minis. Something about them the last few weeks was making your stomach hurt. Nestle: get it together.

Now, though, even regular Kit Kats are doing me in.

On the plus side, I have discovered a fool-proof dieting method, which I am basically going to copyright and start selling to people in LA. The secret: Just have no desire to eat, ever. I’m one stomach flu away from race weight. The only minor flaw to this is that the one thing I do have the desire to eat is Kit Kats (damn) and also the lack of eating is generally problematic and unhealthy. I’ll be super skinny at CIM, but will have to lay down on the side of the road from my lack of energy, while moaning and dry-heaving.

Reasons I Have Come Up With to Not Swim

– It’s cold.
– It’s dark.
– The pool is probably closed.
– I have a lot of other shit to do.
– It’s too late for a swim and I’m tired.
– It’s too early for a swim and I’m tired.
– Who needs swimming anyway.
– It’s a rest week and I shouldn’t waste energy swimming during a rest week.
– I just did a hard workout and nailed it, so I deserve to not have to swim.
– I just did a hard workout and bombed it, so I deserve to not have to swim.
– My back hurts.
– My stomach hurts.
– Which brings us to yesterday: I ate a hamburger and fries and KitKat bites too close to my run and had to take way too many bathroom stops during the run and now I feel really sick to my stomach and should probably lay down instead of swim.

How Soon Is Too Soon to Work Out After Throwing Up?

Apparently, 15 hours.

Last night, I got home and had a small-ish snack of cereal and grapes. Then, I took Tupac for a walk. (Yes, on a leash. Get over it.) We got back inside and Tupac threw up in the middle of the living room. It was just like this:

352znb

About 10 minutes later, I started to feel sick. Then, I felt sicker. Obviously, I was concerned I picked up some weird cat illness via osmosis. It turns out it was either that or mild food poisoning. My money’s on obscure cat illness.

So, I laid around all evening on the couch and moaned and clutched my stomach (and worried this was going to be a repeat of that post-Christmas episode). Eventually, I threw up too. And, then, I went to bed. I mostly sort of slept in spurts, since my stomach hurt all night. When I finally woke up it was significantly past when I was supposed to have woken up and I still felt sort of like shit.

After cancelling all my meetings for the day and laying on the couch some more all morning, I figured it was time to do my workout. Because you don’t skip workouts, right? On the schedule was 9-10 miles easy with ten 1′ pick-ups and then some core work and a 2500y swim.

Yeah, that, um, didn’t happen.

I headed to China Camp for my run, except instead of 7:30 a.m., it was 1:30 p.m. I was hot. I was dying. I’m pretty sure my sweat made it look like I had peed my shorts. I became very concerned about this. My legs felt like I had done squats followed by hill sprints yesterday — I hadn’t. My heart started to hurt after the first two pick-ups. I couldn’t catch my breath. I had to stop and regroup. Three times.

So, yeah, I made it 6.5 miles. Very slowly. Without the rest of the pick-ups. And that was all I did. And, then, I felt destroyed the entire rest of the day.

How long do you need to recover after throwing up a bunch? Well, I’ve done it right before races and been fine. I’ve done it during races and been less fine. But, today, 15 hours was not enough time to be fine.

Running Through the Novocaine

A few weeks ago I went to the dentist. In the last 5-10 years I have had just two fillings. I also apparently had one mystery filling before that, which I only found out about when I got my front tooth knocked out in college and the ER nurse asked which side my filling was on so they could orient the X-ray. And, I was like: what filling?

When I went to the dentist this time, he said, “So, you already have a few fillings. And, you’re going to need a few more.” I figured that meant three, or maybe four? Apparently, it meant six.

I’m a little skeptical about this. It like when you go into the car shop and suddenly you need $1,000 of work even though your car was TOTALLY FINE. They then tried to tell me to space the fillings appointments out and do 2-3 fillings at a time, but if I’m going to get shot up with Novocaine and waste a morning, then I’m only going to do it once. I asked them how long it’d take to do all six in one appointment. They said no one had ever asked that before.

That’s just how I roll.

You can imagine how this ended. It turns out having six holes drilled into your jaw is a lot worse than just one. So, I didn’t eat pretty much all day yesterday. Then, when I did, I got sick to my stomach. I also couldn’t talk well because the left side of my face was numb, which meant I couldn’t do any phone interviews, or rather I could but the other person couldn’t understand me — good thing that’s not like a major part of my job.

Of course, then, it seemed like a good day to start running again. Because why not.

How to Throw Up While Biking

Yesterday, I went for my first ride over two hours in like seven or eight months. That occurred to me about two hours into it, when I still had an hour-and-a-half left — and well after I had thrown up and been drugged up and stopped at bathrooms three times because so much snot was coming out of my face I couldn’t even see straight.

I’ve been sick, like I said, which is fine, but I’ve been taking a lot of drugs at night to be able to sleep. Not that it’s been working well. And, so, Friday night, I took some Robitussin, then it didn’t work, so I took some Nyquil, then I was still awake and coughing, so I took some more Robitussin and maybe a sleeping pill. It’s unclear. I broke out in drug sweats during the night and felt like my stomach was tearing, then I sort of hallucinated some in the morning, though that is a bit normal when I’m by myself (Steve was at a race). I tend to hallucinate/dream that people are breaking in and that I have to wake up but I can’t.

When I did wake up, I was dizzy and light-headed and woozy. I probably wouldn’t have gone for a ride right then, but Ilyce was coming over — a fact I think she regrets now.

We headed out. She dropped me. I coughed and coughed and then I went to spit over my shoulder, like everyone does on the bike and like I had already done a handful of times, but instead I threw up. Over my shoulder. While continuing to bike.

Bizarrely, I didn’t stop at this point. Ilyce was waiting for me. And, then she had to ride hard for an interval and I had to cling to her wheel, which for a bit probably masked the fact that I was still dizzy. After I sucked for quite some time, she went on and I stopped at every public bathroom I passed to blow my nose a few times. The last hour was possibly the slowest I have ever ridden. And, I have ridden capital S Slow. But, if you continue moving forward, you eventually finish. So there. Boston ready.

Should You Train When You’re Sick?

The obvious answer is: No, duh, don’t train when you’re sick.

No way. Really? From The New Yorker.
No way. Really? From The New Yorker.

Of course, we all know life is more complicated than that and illness is more a spectrum between normal shittiness and extreme shittiness than it is a bright line. The general rule I’ve always been told is: if it’s above the neck (stuffed up, sore throat) then you can do some training, but if it’s below the neck (fever, respiratory issues) then rest, rest, rest. I was also told once that if you have a fever, then you shouldn’t do anything for at least five days after, because you can actually damage your heart. So there you go.

I am a sickly person. Pretty much the only thing I’m not highly susceptible to is poison oak, oddly, which is also quite beneficial when it comes to the Dipsea. I don’t know that either was always the case (being sickly or immune to poison oak), but since I had an extended bout of mono all of my senior year of high school and some of my freshman year of college, I’ve had a shit immune system.

Sometime around then I started developing a yearly case of bronchitis. Basically, I would get a cold once a year, sometime in the late winter or early spring, which would then settle in my lungs forcing me to develop abs of steel from the coughing. I no longer get bronchitis for months on end — thank god — but I still often get a cough for a couple weeks — which I am currently in the process of working through.

To the best of my knowledge, no one I’ve lived with has ever caught my cough. And, with the exception of my sister (who is also blessed with the best immune system ever), I’m not aware of people getting sick from me either. It’s basically my own special bubble.

So, at some point, after I tried resting all the time and lots of different medicine and not resting and home remedies, I sort of said fuck it. It didn’t seem to make a difference if I trained or didn’t train, so when I’d get sick I would usually rest a couple days and take it easier, and then ease back into things — even if I was still coughing. In recent years, this has meant that I mostly would cough really hard after workouts. Once I coughed so hard after a run that I peed my pants, which was incredibly unpleasant. I also raced once on Dayquil, but I wouldn’t recommend that either.

This time, though, that doesn’t seem to be working great. I’m coughing so much I can’t sleep at night and am still really stuffed up and my face hurts. So, after some aqua-jogging and Alter-Ging and resting anyway because my foot still hurts, I had to declare another rest day today. It blows.

Soon I’ll be back to my cough, run, cough plan! *shake fist at sky* You won’t stop me! A word of warning, though, if you adopt my train through coughing system: people don’t really react to it well.

My freshman year of college, when I had bronchitis really bad, I had a World History discussion section with this guy, of the infamous looked-like-a-tie with Michael Phelps at the Beijing Olympics:

AND, Phelps wins. Of course.
AND, Phelps wins. Of course.

It was a Friday 8 a.m. class, so even when I wasn’t sick, I wasn’t super pulled together either. And, one day, in class, I start having a coughing/choking fit. When these happen, it’s nearly impossible to breathe and I sound like I’m dying of Black Lung. So, the swimmer guy says, ‘Sorry, I really can’t get sick’ and picks up his desk from next to me and moves it five feet away. Which is totally fine. I get that. You’re an Olympian. Whatever you want to do is fine. Then, everyone else kinda mumbles ‘me too’ and picks up their desks and all move away.

I was left sitting in the middle of this half-circle of desks, coughing. It looked like this:

I really just thought this picture was awesome. Sad red guy!
I really just thought this picture was awesome. Sad red guy!

So, be forewarned, if you train when you are sick (or at least sound sick), people will not be happy.

How Challenging Can I Make This?

In case you’re keeping score, I woke up with a cold today. And, I’m getting on a flight to Phoenix as soon as Delta changes my ticket. So, add that to the hurt foot and the crazed work and everything else.

I think I’m just trying to see how challenging I can make running Boston? Cause, you know, training was getting too easy.