‘I Don’t Care If You Fucking Feel Ready’

This was something Hillary send to me this past summer when I told her I didn’t feel like I’d be ready for IM Wisconsin. I thought it was kind of funny. The second half of the quote is: “You will be ready.” The point there being that you sometimes you have to stop worrying about how you feel and just do what you need to do anyway.

I was thinking about this again this past weekend. I ran the Super Sunday 5K as a kind of kick-start to remember running races before Kaiser Half-Marathon this weekend. I really felt terrible going into it. I mean really really terrible. I didn’t sleep much the two nights before, just because we were up in Tahoe and the room was hot and the bed rocked every time Steve moved. Saturday, I tried to learn how to skate ski (a kind of cross-country skiing that is very hard to master), which it turns out is exhausting. I ended up doing a couple hours of that and then another hour of classic cross-country skiing and I was so tired. I was so tired I couldn’t sleep. I was so tired I kept waking up in the middle of the night, after barely dozing off, and wanting to cry. I felt awful. My legs hurt; my hip flexors hurt. Why was I even getting up early to do this 5K? It wasn’t a race that mattered; why wasn’t I just staying home to sleep instead? Everything hurt. I was about to start crying, which happens when I’m really tired.

But I got up and did it because I didn’t have a good reason not to. I was still not excited about it at start. I was 95% sure that I was going to run a very mediocre race, but whatever. Just do it anyway.

I ended up running a PR. 18:50. It wasn’t a pretty race. I’m an ugly runner under the best of circumstances and these were not the best circumstances. I thought I was going to have to make a port-a-potty stop in the middle. I was wheezing and then when I couldn’t breathe right, I stopped being able to swallow too. Even while I was running I felt terrible and thought I was doing terrible. It wasn’t until I came around the very last corner and saw the clock that I realized I was actually doing pretty OK.

I don’t care if you fucking feel ready.

There aren’t any photos yet of the 5K. So instead here is a photo from the Spartan Race I did down in Temecula two weeks ago. Don’t I look like I know what I’m doing:

spartanfinish

This is what I actually felt like most of the time, though:

spartan

3 thoughts on “‘I Don’t Care If You Fucking Feel Ready’

  1. YAAAASSS. Just like you can’t 1% your way out of bad/mediocre training with details, you can’t 1% your way out of it either. Congrats on the PR!

  2. […] I also knew these leaps and bounds wouldn’t last. At some point, I wouldn’t be able to PR a 5K during a random training block anymore. And that’d be fine, because it’d mean I’d picked all the low-hanging fruit. But […]

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