I spend a lot of time by myself. Besides Steve and Tupac the Cat, there are plenty of days I don’t really talk to anyone. And that’s fine. I prefer that. I especially prefer it when it comes to hard workouts.
If things are getting nasty and ugly and rough, I don’t really want to have to deal with anyone else besides myself. I don’t even want to have to deal with being nice to someone else. I just want to get out of this on my own. I’m familiar with the inside of my own head, even if it’s not always a nice place to be. This is so true that I have been known to let myself get dropped more than once when I didn’t want to deal anymore. Oops.
I was at Javelina 100 a month ago—God, a whole month—which was interesting, and I totally emailed Hillary in the middle of the night that I wanted to run a 50-miler, and she emailed back asking if I had slept in the last 48 hours and maybe I should do that first.
The other interesting thing was how similar, but how different, ultra-running is to triathlon. (Not that I super love everything about triathlon either.) The other people working the race with me were having a long discussion about pacers, picking someone to run with you/pace you through the night, how when you’re pacing someone you’d have to yell at them to keep going, how they wouldn’t let their pacees quit even if they wanted to. And I just kept thinking, ‘Hah, good luck making me do anything I don’t want to do.’ That whole part sounds terrible. And, anyway, get yourself out of your own damn mess.
But all the alone time gets boring sometimes and a little maddening. Eventually, your cat starts to talk back to you.
So, when I was deciding what I wanted to do this year I knew I wanted to find some other people to workout with sometimes, some people who wouldn’t yell at me (hah) or piss me off. Ideally, a group of women with the same general attitude—that’s the ‘we’re going to work our asses off, but not being Type A or annoying about it’ attitude.
I joined Team Freeplay almost exclusively so I won’t be all by myself all the time, because the other women seemed like my kind of triathletes and we could have some fun too.
Maybe I won’t even try to get dropped, so I can wallow in my own little hole, too much.