Conversations Before a Race

Me: Your primary job is going to be telling me if there are girls ahead of me that are going faster than I am.
Steve: Oh good, that’ll be easy to see.
Me: How am I going to know, though? I’m the second-to-last wave; I’m not going to know if people are beating me!
Steve: Maybe your goal instead should be just to race strong.

Me: I could win. *pause* I could also not, obviously.
Steve: You could definitely not. Probably, you will not.
Me: Yeah, but, I could.

Me: (After giving myself heatstroke and getting food poisoning and laying around the house for two days.) I’m never going to get better.
Steve: You’ll get better.
Me: By Sunday?
Steve: Eventually.

Me: At least I’m skinny right now and I have a fast bike. I don’t even need to train.

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