Un-Endorsement of the Week: Kit Kats

Even looking at it makes me feel sick.
Even looking at it makes me feel sick.

 

I’m off Kit Kats, at least until CIM. It’s the fucking biggest tragedy of my life right now.

For about two weeks, I’ve been sick to my stomach. Eating makes me feel nauseous. Not eating makes me feel nauseous. It’s been pretty much constant since the day I had a big hamburger out in Pt. Reyes and then went for a run (with many bathroom stops).

To get your first stupid question out of the way: No, I am not pregnant. Yes, since I am a female over the age of 15 and I have seen a TV show before, of course that occurred to me. And yes, it has been ruled out.

I also don’t think I suddenly have celiacs, especially since it doesn’t matter what I eat, I still feel sick. Sushi, meat and vegetables, a salad. Definitely Kit Kats.

At first, it seemed like Kit Kat Minis were just messing with my stomach, despite my undying love for them. And, this has been corroborated by others who have eaten Kit Kat Minis. Something about them the last few weeks was making your stomach hurt. Nestle: get it together.

Now, though, even regular Kit Kats are doing me in.

On the plus side, I have discovered a fool-proof dieting method, which I am basically going to copyright and start selling to people in LA. The secret: Just have no desire to eat, ever. I’m one stomach flu away from race weight. The only minor flaw to this is that the one thing I do have the desire to eat is Kit Kats (damn) and also the lack of eating is generally problematic and unhealthy. I’ll be super skinny at CIM, but will have to lay down on the side of the road from my lack of energy, while moaning and dry-heaving.

4 thoughts on “Un-Endorsement of the Week: Kit Kats

  1. I firmly believe there is money to be made here.

    The weekend I had food poisoning, I lost 10 pounds in 72 hours. My boyfriend was like, “I’m pretty sure you can patent that & make bank.”

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